My darling internet,
I’ve considered the matter and come to the conclusion that my greatest desire is for you to have me in a chokehold. As Pavlovian as all this click-click-clicking feels, as reflexy and involuntary, make no mistake: I have absolutely chosen to give you all my power.
Why do I give you all my power? Well, if I didn’t, I might be forced to admit that there is really no one in control. Or, perhaps, there is one and that one is the great unknown, the universe, the what what as it were.
In the chasm of the what what I am unrecognizable to myself. I do not know me. O but I know you sweet internet; and when I am with you I know exactly who I am. With you I am Captain Shame.
I fear I can never be without you, my beloved. I twitch in your absence. Without you, I am half a woman. Then again, with you I am half a woman too.
My darling internet, I will see you when the cock crows. No, I will see you way before the cock crows–probably in about a minute. Then I will see you for the rest of the afternoon, then all evening, late into the night and then when I get up to pee at 4 am. I cannot bear to be away for long.
Yours,
Melissa
