A box arrives from Amazon, full of boys in yellow shirts that say Jesus Saves At K-Mart. The boys are hoarders. They are hoarding themselves inside this box. You can plant the boys in mud and from their eyes a nun with a mole on her hand will grow. You can put the boys in plastic bags and throw them on a snowy highway to make cars honk out the tune of Just Wanna See His Face. Let’s not do that. Let’s visualize a Nike swoosh in a blue sky and call it abstinence. Let’s take no hostages and shop lonely. There is a ceiling to every chandelier, but at least the ceiling is pink. The blue sky is contained under this pink ceiling. Sadly, the ceiling is faceless. Wanna know how I know?

  • Share/Bookmark


Fell out of a red MG on my way to San Francisco in 1969 and got 16 stitches and a 70s bush. Landed at a blurry discotheque with Leda Leda Leda and her fat swan. Grabbed at her titties while she shook her black hair. Suddenly there were no titties because her hair was blonde. Obvi I am a soft heart in a jar of gefilte fish. Do you ever get the feeling that Jesus had six eyes? Stevie Nicks reclines under a black statue of Jesus and plots to win him back. I am rooting for her!

 

  • Share/Bookmark


  • Share/Bookmark


My dick is a disaster area.

My dick is scared it has a Mrs. Robinson vibe.

My dick is talking about a dark web & where each strand meets is a black sapphire.

My dick is paranoid?

My dick is trying to “become whole.”

My dick features a recording of the ocean.

My dick lives by the ocean but it needs the recording to relax.

  • Share/Bookmark


Paul Tunis (aka da man) and I collaborated on a comic at The Rumpus. But really I just wrote like 20 words and he spun them into a hot pink & black existential inferno that manages to incorporate a giganto guinea pig, hot punk twinks & the Manson fam into a window at Bergdorfs.

Next, some Dutch people got ahold of the comic and posted it on what looks to be a VERY hip and ‘relevant’ blog out of Amsterdam.  Feel hip. Feel relevant. Feel #ontzagwekkend. Have fooled the Dutch.

Also at The Rumpus is a super-thoughtful review of MEAT HEART by Matthew Zingg.

Made a mixtape for Electric Literature called HOW TO AVOID A POETRY READING

  • Share/Bookmark


Poem called EVERY MOOD I’M IN IS THE ONE I’LL BE IN FOREVER

Poem called WILL TRUST MY INNER GUIDE WHEN THE INTERNET IS EXTINCT

Poem called WANT SOMEONE TO YELL AT U FOR APPROPRIATING FEATHERS SO I CAN FEEL INDIE FOR NOT APPROPRIATING FEATHERS

Poem called CAME ON GOD’S DICK

Poem called YOUR ALAN WATTS INSTAGRAM MAKES ME WANT TO DIE NOTHING AGAINST ZEN I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO LAUGH WITHOUT WATCHING MYSELF LAUGHING

Poem called ROMEO AND JULIET WERE CODEPENDENT BUT WHATEVS

Poem called FLOATING DOWN A RIVER OF HATERADE IN A SWEET PINEAPPLE BOAT

Poem called EXPRESS BUS AWAY FROM WHITE PEOPLE MAKING WAKA FLAKA PUNS

Poem called MY SYMBOLIC EXPRESSION IS A TEMPLE OF THE DOG CD AND A FIBER MUFFIN

Poem called PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH THE COMPULSION TO TOTALIZE

Poem called I HAVE SUSTAINED MY BEAUTY FOR 32 YRS AND AM GOING ICE FISHING

Poem called VANITY REASSERTS ITSELF WHEN PAIN RECEDES

Poem called AVE MARIAS TO A CHUNK OF TOMATO STUCK INSIDE AN OYSTER SHELL

Poem called WHY ISN’T MY PROJECTION ON YOU REAL?

Poem called ONLY GOING TO EUROPE SO I CAN SAY IT

Poem called INTERNET ADDICTION IS AN ARCADE OF DIVINITY

  • Share/Bookmark


Did the Other People podcast. Topics include: stalking, all-girls schools, self-piercing, shrooming, Pink Floyd laser light shows, darkness, excesses, adrenaline, panic, and the commodification of New Age spirituality. Honestly, this is worth listening to just for Brad Listi’s 10 minute monologue on Fassbender’s penis and its relationship to the human condition.

Jennifer L. Knox interviewed me, Sommer Browning, Amy Lawless, Sharon Mesmer and Rachel Shukert about being funny.

  • Share/Bookmark


Last Sext

LAST SEXT

So Sad Today

SO SAD TODAY

"What separates Broder from her confessional cohort...is that she doesn’t seem to be out to shock, but to survive."
–Elle

"Broder presents a dizzying array of intimate dispatches and confessions…She has a near-supernatural ability to not only lay bare her darkest secrets, but to festoon those secrets with jokes, subterfuge, deep shame, bravado, and poetic turns of phrase."
–New York Magazine

"A triumph of unsettlingly relatable prose."
–Vanity Fair

"Her writing is deeply personal, sophisticated in its wit, and at the same time, devastating. SO SAD TODAY is a portrait of modern day existence told with provocative, irreverent honesty."
–Nylon

"At once devastating and delightful, this deeply personal collection of essays…is as raw as it is funny."
–Cosmopolitan

"Broder writes about the hot-pink toxins inhaled every day by girls and women...and the seemingly impossible struggle to exhale something pure, maybe even eternal...there's a bleak beauty in the way she articulates her lowest moments."
–Bookforum

"Broder may be talking about things like sexts, Botox, and crushes, but these things are considered alongside contemplations about mortality, identity, and the difficulty of finding substance in a world where sometimes it’s so much easier to exist behind a screen."
–The Fader

"…So Sad Today is uplifting and dispiriting in seemingly equal measure. It’s a book that’s incredibly human in the way it allows for deep self-reflection alongside Broder, which speaks not only to her powerful writing but also the internet’s magical ability to foster connections."
–A.V. Club

"...delightful...Broder embarks on an earnest, sophisticated inquiry into the roots and expressions of her own sadness...deeply confessional writing brings disarming humor and self-scrutiny...Broder's central insight is clear: it is ok to be sad, and our problems can't be reduced to a single diagnosis. "
–Publishers Weekly

"Broder is probably the Internet’s most powerful merchant of feelings…"
–GQ

"Vividly rendered and outspokenly delivered essays…Sordid, compulsively readable entries that lay bare a troubled soul painstakingly on the mend."
–Kirkus Reviews

"If Melissa Broder weren’t so fucking funny I would have wept through this entire book. Love, sex, addiction, mental illness and childhood trauma all join hands and dance in a circle, to the tune of Melissa’s unmatched wit and dementedly perfect take on this terrifying orb we call home."
–Lena Dunham

"So Sad Today is a desperately honest collection of essays, the kind that make you cringe as you eagerly, shamelessly consume them. Melissa Broder lays herself bare but she does so with strength, savvy, and style. Above all, these essays are sad and uncomfortable and their own kind of gorgeous. They reveal so much about what it is to live in this world, right now."
–Roxane Gay

Scarecrone

S C A R E C R O N E

"Broder manages to conjure a psychic realm best described as one part twisted funhouse and two parts Catholic school, heavy on libido and with a dash of magick. This gritty, cherry soda–black book...is bizarrely sexy in its monstrousness."
–Publishers Weekly

"I don’t know what a book is if not a latch to elsewhere, and Scarecrone has pressed its skull against the hidden door. It is neither drunk nor ecstatic to be here—it is a state unto itself."
–VICE

"Lushly dark and infused with references to black magic, Broder's work often feels less like a book and more like a mystical text."
–PAPERMAG

Meat Heart

MEAT HEART

"Out to 'crucify boredom,' her poems show us how any relationship with the divine is no less at risk of engendering grotesque lust...What makes Broder such a pleasure on the page is her insistence that these dramas play out on a workaday stage infused with surreal Pop and imaginative muscle..."
–Publishers Weekly

"With a title recalling Yeats...Broder risks the divine in her second book...shrewd, funny, twisted, sad poems..."
–The Chicago Tribune

"Meat Heart...is unbelievable and overwhelming for its imaginative power alone, but if you listen past the weird you can hear all sorts of things: sadness, seriousness, life, death, and a whole lot of laughter....Broder is a tremendous talent"
–Flavorwire

"...Meat Heart embodies that strain of sustenance, that sort of psychosomatic excitement most valiant art more or less tries to pull off…Her poems don’t bore or bear down. They beam oracle energy. They pump a music of visions for the life-lusty death dance."
–BOMB

Melissa Broder's Book Cover

MOTHER

“This debut from Broder is as funny and hip as it is disturbing… a bright and unusual debut.”
–Publishers Weekly

"…obsessive, energetic and pop-culture-infused poetry…"
–Time Out New York

"Broder’s insight and honesty will make your brain light up and your hair stand on end.”
–The San Francisco Examiner

"Broder’s verse is acrobatic and whip-smart… its own creature."
–Bomb