I don’t know how to cook.

Somehow I ended up on an email list between five middle-age women who live in Georgia and I am a voyeur to their holiday plans and recipes. At first I was like For the love of god get me off this email list. They tried. They tried again. Still the emails come. They come and come and come and come and come.

I suppose this is what the universe wants for me. This might even be what I want for me. I do feel very part-of. It’s a slice of another side, it’s words, and it’s so very Duggar-recipe (say tater tot casserole child)!

Here is what the girls are bringing to their xmas celebration. How is Brianna only bringing a cheese ball? How does she get away with that? I might ask.

Dog Food Dip (what is this?)
Prosciutto and Feta Pinwheels
Sweet Tea & Lemonade
Puppy Chow (wtf?)
One more hot hors d’hoeuvre

Veggies & Dip
Apache Bread
Relish Tray
Sweet Goodies
Cocktail Weenies
Cheese and Crackers

Cheese Ball

Twice Baked Potatoes
Finger Sandwiches
Bacon Roll ups (bacon fucking roll-ups!)
Chocolate Pound Cake

Here are some of the girls’ recipes. If I was smart I’d pull some Julie and Julia shit and try to cook one a day for a year and almost get divorced and write a memoir about it.

Corn Meal Bread (Johnny Cake) (Gram Flossie)
1 3/4 c yellow corn meal
2 c white flour
1 c sugar
6 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
2 c milk
1/4 c soft shortening
Stuffed Peppers (Mom Chambers)
2 lbs hamburger
onion flakes, celery salt, egg, tomato sauce 1 c cooked rice
6 bell peppers cut in half
Put sauce in bottom of pan.  Bake 400 for 15 min then 350 for 1 hour oruntil done.  Cover half the time.
Five Cup Salad (Theresa)
1 c coconut
1 c sour cream (16 oz container)
1 c pineapple chunk drained (16 oz can)
1 c mandarin oranages 16 oz can drained
1 c mini marshmellows
Cherries (optional)
Mix fruit and sour cream then add rest of ingredients.
Pineapple Pork Chops & Rice (Gram Flossie)
6 pork chops cut 1/4 in thick
salt & pepper
2 tbsp oleo
1 can (8 oz) crushed pineapple
1 c water
3/4 tsp salt
1 1/3 c minute rice
Season chops with salt & pepper.  brown well in oleo in large pan or skillet.  Add pineapple, reduce heat cover & simmer until tender about 20 min.  Always cook pork thoroughly.  Move chops to one side; add water & salt.  Bring to boil.  Stir in rice, cover.  remove from heat.  Let stand 5 min.  Makes 3-4 servings.
Punch (Cheryl Whitman – girlfriend of Theresa)
2 qts 7 up
1 64 oz can Hi C Peach
1 pint frozen strawberries
1 orange sliced very thin
Chinese Chicken (Gram)
Using covered skillet cook 1 1/2 cups green pepper strips & 3/4 cups slicked ionion in 3 tbsp oil until just tender.
Mix 1/4 c cornstarch, 2 c chicken stock and 3 tbsp soy sauce.  Then add 3 c slivered cooked chicken to vegetables.  Cook and stir until sauce is thickened.  Add 2 med tomatoes cut in thin wedges and heat through.  Serve over rice – makes 6 servings.
Salad Dressing (Gramp)
1 c tomatoe soup – regular size
3/4 c oil
3/4 c cider vinegar
1/2 c sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp prepared mustard
1 med size onion (minced)
2 cloves garlic
Put oil, vinegar & sugar in sauce pan.  Cook over low heat until sugar dissolves.  Turn off the heat and add rest of ingredients.  Stir.  Put in quart size jar.  Put the juice and add all of onion
Sauce or Salad Dressing (Mom Chambers)
1 can tomato juice  46 oz or 1 at 14 oz can
1/2 c vinegar
salt & pepper
2 tbsp dry onion flakes
1 tbsp dry parsley flakes
sweeten to taste – add 3 tbsp mustard – boil until thickened
Banana Bread (mom chambers)
1 c sugar
1/3 stick oleo
2 eggs
3 sm or 2 large bananas
2 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c chopped nut
Cream oleo & sugar, add eggs & mashed bananas.  Add flour, soda, salt & nuts. Mix well & pour into greased bread pan.  Bake 325 for one hour – then let stand five min to cool
Peanut butter cookies w/candy (Mom chambers)
1 3/4 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c sugar
1/2 c firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 c shortening
1/2 c peanut butter
1 egg
2 tbsp milk
Combine all ingredients except candy in large bowl.  Mix on lowest speed of mixer until dough forms.  Shape dough into balls using round teaspoon for each.   Roll balls in sugar; place on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 10 to 12 min.  Need 48 milk chocolate kisses.  Bake at 375.
Creamy Fudge Frosting (theresa)
6 tbsp cocoa
6 tbsp hot milk
6 tbsp butter
1 tsp vanilla
3 c confectioner sugar
Mix cocoa and milk, add butter and vanilla beat until smooth.  Add sugar gratdually until spreading consistency.
Fudge (Grandma Flossie)
2 cups sugar
1/2 c milk
3 tbsp cocoa
lump of butter or oleo
1 tsp vanilla
Boil 20 min, slowly.  Beat well.  Test in cold water to form firm ball.  Pout into buttered bin.
(Grandma remembers making this in the frying pan on stormy nights winter nights.)
Scalloped Potatoes (Mom Chambers)
6 med potatoes
3 tbsp oleo
2 tbsp flour
3 c milk
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 tbsp chopped onions
Pare potatoes; slice thin.  Make whit esuac eof oleo, flour, milk.
Put half the potatoes in greased 2 qt casserole; cover with half the sauce, seasonings & onion.  Add remianing potatoes, seasonings & onion then remaining sauce.  Cover and bake in moderate oven (350) about 1 hour uncovered and continue badking until  top is browned.  Add grated cheese if desired.  4-6 servings.
Stuffing (Gram)
Bells Seasoning to taste
1 large onion chopped
2 stalks celery finely chopped
1 stick butter
salt, pepper
Stove Top Stuffing (Herb or Chicken flavor) – 2 large boxes
Saute onions, celery & butter – add to stuffing mix with chicken broth & season to taste- cook in crock pot for about 2 hours.
Apple Crisp (Barb)
4 c sliced apples
1 c sugar, flour, cinnamon, water
Topping:   1 c flour, quaker oats, brown sugar and soft oleo
Bake at 375 for 35 min
Pumpkin Bread (mom chambers)
2 2/3 c sugar
2/3 c oil
4 eggs beaten
1 lb can pumpkin
2/3 c water
3 1/3 c flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cloves
2/3 c chopped nuts
2/3 c chopped dates
Cream together sugar & oil until fluffy.  Stir in eggs pumpkin & water.  Sift together dry ingredients and spice, gradually add to pumpkin mixture.  Add nuts & dates.  Blend wel.  Turn batter into 2 greased loaf pans.  Bake at 350 for 1 hr & 15 min or until loaf is done.  When cool wrap in foil and will stay moist.

One Response to “”

  1. Mom Chambers runnin thangs!!

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Milk Fed


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Melissa Broder's Book Cover


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